Amanuensis. Acrylic on canvas, 10 x 10 inches, 2015 by Sarah Atlee Sometimes I can't sleep.
Sometimes my mind wakes up before my body is ready and I have to try to convince it to settle down and go back to sleep. My mind, rebellious, goes to the Bad Thoughts. I think of every time I've ever been angry, hurt, or humiliated. I rehash the memories in detail, resulting in more feelings of anger, hurt, and humiliation, and so on until the birds chirp nyah nyah na-nyah nyah and I give in and go make coffee.
This pattern of thinking is sometimes called rumination. The mind goes round and round, thinking that if it just thinks hard enough, it can stop thinking about a thing. Of course, it doesn't work like that.
Practicing mindfulness is a great way to break this destructive pattern. In The Mindful Way through Depression, the authors remind us that "There is an alternative strategy for handling the negative moods, memories, and thinking patterns in the present moment, as they arise. ... It is called awareness." (If you'd like to learn more, I highly recommend this book.)
Mindfulness and meditation are things you practice, however, meaning that no one does them perfectly right out of the gate. I've found a tool that helps me through these wakeful Bad Thought times.
Space Hotel
I first heard Al Gromer Khan's album Space Hotel years ago, by accident at a friend's house. It's been a consistent favorite of mine for over 15 years. It's the perfect blend of soothing, mysterious, colorful, and calm. Listening to these beautiful sounds provides my mind with a focal point, someplace to return while letting the Bad Thoughts pass away like clouds. A sample: